Category Archives: Blog

My main blog.

A self-doubty kind of feeling

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Posted by Craig on August 24, 2010 – 7:30 pm
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Today, while searching for something that doesn’t really matter, I came across some old writing I did about ten years ago. The first book I actually set out to write was called “Roovantis in Mesunoc” (which,by the way, were just words I made up).

I’d forgotten all about this. It was an extremely lame story about a guy who was kidnapped from Earth, taken to a fantasy world and given an epic quest. But it got me to thinking, so I went back and re-read a lot of other things I’ve written as well.

And it led me to one conclusion. I was a really awful writer when I first started. The text was full of cliche’s and one-dimensional characters. The plot meandered all over the place, with no clear direction or focus. It was abismal.

And now, the trouble is, reading that has left me with a depressing, self-doubty kind of feeling. When I wrote that stuff ten years ago, I thought I was good. I had no idea how bad it was.

What if that’s still the case? What if I’m wasting my time writing, when I should be doing something completely different? What if I’m like those horrible people on Australian Idol who think they’re amazing singers, but end up being incredibly bad? They had no idea.

I know some people would say, write for yourself. Therefore it doesn’t matter if you’re good or not, but I disagree. I write so that other people can read it and be entertained. I’m already a writer, but my goal is to be a GOOD writer.

Am I wasting my time?

To be honest, I was perfectly happy until I read these old writings a few hours ago. Maybe its just a bad mood. Maybe it’ll blow over, and I can go back to being blissfully ignorant.

I really wish I had something published. That’s like professional validation that you have reached the next level of writing skill. If writing were an RPG, then I feel like I’ve been grinding for years and have never levelled up.

I hope tomorrow brings happy thoughts.

My strange weird fear of talking to people

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Posted by Craig on July 30, 2010 – 2:48 pm
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Alright, I’ve decided to take the plunge and blog about something deeply personal. I have a strange fear of talking people. I’m hesitant to call it a phobia, because it comes and goes.

I guess its best described by example. Today I planned to go to the smash repair place and get a quote on repairs to my car. I rang them a few days ago and they said there’s no need to make an appointment. I can just come in and get a quote, it wouldn’t take long. He sounded like a nice guy.

I already put it off for a few days, so today I decided to get it over and done with. It’s just a quote, after all. But as I drove down there I became intensely nervous, and I can’t really explain why. The thought of having to go in and explain to them that I crashed my car and needed a quote on repairs was scary. I felt like I was going to a job interview and they were going to judge me.

But at the same time, I know how silly that sounds. He sounded perfectly nice on the phone. They get paid to be nice to people. Yet still I couldn’t stop being nervous.

And then, of course, nothing can ever be easy for me.

When I got there, there was absolutely nobody around. There were two cars, but no staff at all. I waited in the office for a few minutes, nobody turned up, so I quickly left.

They have another place at another suburb, so I might try that one instead, on Monday.

But my point is, the thought of talking to a total stranger and explaining how I crashed my car made me terribly nervous, and I don’t know why. It’s not like I’m the first person on earth to crash their car. It’s not even a bad crash. There’s hardly any damage, and it wasn’t even my fault.

And this happens a lot. I hate talking on the phone, because I never know what they’re doing on the other end. My car insurance was cancelled, all because I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. If I go to parties (and I should clarify, the only parties I go to are family events), I will mostly just sit there and say nothing, because I don’t know how to talk to people.

It’s not that I don’t want to talk to people. It seems like fun. I just don’t know how to, and it makes me nervous.

Am I alone, or do others feel like this too?

Getting back into the swing of things.

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Posted by Craig on May 2, 2010 – 2:03 pm
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I haven’t blogged in a while, but to be honest, I don’t think anyone noticed. I don’t get that many visitors :p

Anyway the reasons for not blogging are long and boring, so I won’t bore anyone with that. Let’s just say that things are getting back to normal, so I’m getting back into the swing of things.

I just printed out my book, getting ready to send it in to a literary agent. Well, I have a cover letter, 2 page synopsis, and chapters 1, 2 and 5. The synopsis was hard to write, as it is a very plot-heavy book and so many things are integral to the main storyline. Hopefully I have captured the heart of the book in these two pages.

Finally sending my book out is a little scary. On one hand, I’m preparing myself for the inevitable rejection. It always happens, writers have to send their book out to lots of places before finally getting accepted. But the trouble is, there aren’t that many places in Australia that will accept:

  1. A manuscript from an unpublished author
  2. A manuscript from an unrepresented author
  3. A science fiction/ fantasy manuscript

At the moment I only found two places that I could possibly send to. What next? Can I send to international publishers/ agents? I’m not sure how that works. I guess I’ll have to investigate.

Due to my previously mentioned boring personal stuff, I haven’t really been writing later, so I’ve got to get back into that. I have most of the second book mapped out, but there are still a few small details to work out before I set off to write the first draft. I’m looking forward to it, it’s going to be a good book.

Meanwhile the thing I have been doing is Papercrafting. It’s addictive, and become a hobby I do every day. I have always seen random posts on different places about cool paper models people have made, but never got around to exploring it until now. It’s great to have something to do while watching shows, or grinding skills in Haven and Hearth. Plus, they look great when finished. It’s like making your own action figures. Currently I’m working on Zora Armour Link, and Mario’s Head. I’ll post more about them when I’m closer to finishing. I was also planning to do Young Link from Ocarina of Time, but I stuffed up when I was attaching the hat to his face, so I’ll have to redo that one.

Anyway, my blog should be much more active from now on. I hope it’s interesting to you all :)

To publish or not? That is the question!

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Posted by Craig on April 13, 2010 – 8:39 pm
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I’m at the point where I don’t think there’s anything else I can do with The Spiral Dilemma. It’s completed, and it’s a great book even if I do say so myself. I love it.

So now I’m at the point where I need to start looking for publishers/ agents. The trouble is, in Australia there are very few of them that will accept fantasy from a new author. Not only that, but I’ve been reading about everything that else that happens even after you get a publisher, and its really depressing me.

The reason why I write is that it’s fun. But part of the writing process is having people read it. Now I realise that technically I don’t need to be published to have people read my book, but sure would help.

The other thing I’ve been worried about relates to the fact that currently I’ve been taking care of my Dad. Now at the moment that’s fine, it gives me a lot of free time to write and I get Carer’s Allowance. But one day the time will come when Dad is no longer around (hopefully a LONG time from now), and at when that time comes I will need a way to make money. If I have some books published by them, I may not need to find a regular job. That’s the plan anyway.

I really don’t think I’m cut out to work in an office. It was fine at first but gradually it was sending me quite insane. If I have to go back to work in an office again, I don’t know if I’d cope. Plus working full time cuts into my writing time dramatically.

So I should get published! The trouble with that is I’ve been writing about all the hoops you have to jump through, and that even after you get published, most authors won’t be very successful anyway  and will never make enough money to live off. It almost doesn’t seem worth it.

I just want a lot of people to read my book and enjoy it! That’s not too much to ask is it?

I realise I could just put it up here on my website for free, but then that dramatically cuts down on the number of people that will actually see it, plus I’d make no money so I’d have to eventually get a job at some point.

I know I sound like I really don’t want to work – but it’s not working in itself that I’m dreading, it’s the type of work. The only real skills I have are for boring office work that I absolutely hate, and even then I’m not convinced that I was any good at it to begin with. Writing is what I’m passionate about, but can I make money from it?

I suppose time will tell.

The Spiral Dilemma: Second Draft Complete!

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Posted by Craig on April 2, 2010 – 11:23 am
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First of all, I haven’t blogged in a while because I had a bad stomach bug. I had no energy for anything except sitting around and doing nothing.

Since then I’ve been catching up with my writing, and I finished the second draft of my novel! This is the fourth book I’ve finished, and I’m aiming for this one to be the one I get published. I’m very proud of it, and its the best thing I’ve written so far. I love it.

So what now? I need to spell-check it a bit, then I’d like to get some constructive criticism. Then I guess I can start sending it around to places. Exciting stuff!

I’m going to start planning the second book pretty soon. I know what needs to happen, but I don’t know how or when exactly. I need to plan out the plot so I know where I’m going before I begin writing the first draft.

I also would still like to write more of Diary of a Survivor, but because I’ve been sick I haven’t done anything about it yet. It’s good to have something I can write that isn’t Dilemma related. Although I like the book, it’s okay to have a break every now and again.

Weekly Gaming Update – Week 10

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Posted by Craig on March 13, 2010 – 12:04 pm
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Still Playing:

Rock Band

Still bashing away at hard mode.

Heavy Rain

Trying to get the Perfect Crime trophy, then I’ll go for the All Endings trophy and I’ll have them all. Replaying Heavy Rain is just not fun though.

New Game Purchases:

Pixeljunk Shooter

I fun scrolling 2d shooter, with excellent liquid physics. Its a great game, if a little short. I finished it in a day, now I’m trying to get all trophies.

Resident Evil 5 DLC

Last night I purchased Desperate Escape and Lost in Nightmares. I played LiN a little, and there were no enemies in the first 10-15 minutes. It was a little boring, to tell the truth.

Weekly Gaming Update – Week 9

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Posted by Craig on March 6, 2010 – 11:28 am
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Still Playing:

Rockband for 360

I didn’t play it much this week, hard mode is hard. Perhaps I’ve reached my limit.

Heavy Rain

First, I finished the game. Then the Apolalyps3 happened, and I lost all my Heavy Rain trophies. So I played it through again. Now I’m starting my proper second playthrough. I’m determined to get all the trophies for this one. I haven’t gotten a platinum PS3 trophy yet, so Heavy Rain will be my first.

New Game Purchases:

The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom

This is an Xbox Live Arcade game recently released. It’s a side scrolling platformer with a very unique artistic style. You have the ability to record your movements, then play them back with copies of yourself. It’s a bit hard to explain, but it works well and its fun. For a cheap game, its pretty fun, and I highly recommend it.

The Rules of being a good Customer

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Posted by Craig on March 3, 2010 – 9:41 am
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I wrote this in 2003 when I was still working in a shop doing customer service (Dick Smith Powerhouse at Penrith).

1.  DO NOT ask for a receipt.  They print out automatically and you will get one whether you like it or not.

2.  DO wash yourself before entering a shop, and putting on some clean clothes won’t go astray.

3.  DO NOT talk on your mobile phone while purchasing items, it is very rude.

4a.  DO remember your post code!  If you have recently moved to a new area, you are exempt from this rule for a period of 2 months.
4b.  DO NOT say “Gee, I never write letters to myself!” when you cannot remember you post code.  You have to write your address on the back of the envelope anyway, not to mention the numerous forms you have to fill out nowadays.

5.  DO NOT fold you notes.  This rule may or may not apply to people in countries other than Australia, it depends on what your notes are made of.  Australian Notes are made of plastic, and sit horribly in the till when the customers fold them up.

6.  DO check the prices of things before you pick them off the shelf.  If they scan at the wrong price, the register operator has no way of knowing.

(these rules are subject to change at any time and without notice)

Having said this, I don’t follow this last rule. I never check prices, but I never complain about the price either, so I’m still a good customer!

Weekly Gaming Update – Week 8

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Posted by Craig on February 27, 2010 – 10:09 pm
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Still playing:

Rockband for Xbox 360

I got this for my birthday in January and I’m still playing it. The guitar is fun, but after I get to medium I just can’t do the fingering properly and I give up. But with the drums I believe I can actually learn to do it properly! I just finished Medium this week, so I’m moving on to Hard mode. And yes, hard mode is hard. But I think with practice I can actually do it.

Afrika for PS3

This game seems to go on and on and on. I’m still playing it occasionally, but not that often really. I’m almost at my limit.

Assassin’s Creed 2: Bonfire of the Vanities for Xbox 360

This DLC was quite fun. Finally you get to explore the other side of the river in Florence! There are 9 assassinations to complete, so it gave me a nostalgic feeling. Kinda reminded me of AC1 a bit, which was a good thing.

New Game Purchases:

Heavy Rain for PS3

Despite being a little buggy, this is a cool game. I really liked that while waiting to install the game, it instructs you on how to fold a piece of paper (that comes in the game box) into one of those origami thingies from the front cover. The game basically is one big, long quick time event. Now normally I hate those, but considering the entire game is based from the ground up around the concept, it works well. The graphics are good, although the characters are very robotic and not all the voices are actually good. But overall, a fun game. I had a hard time putting the controller down to write this.

Endless Oceans 2 for Nintendo Wii

Going from Heavy Rain to this game is BAD. It makes the graphics look absolutely horrible. I remember Endless Oceans 1 looking okay, but maybe my memory isn’t that great. The game itself is fun, it’s just the graphics that look dated – and that’s Nintendo’s fault for making the Wii too underpowered – but that’s another subject.

Uni on hold

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Posted by Craig on February 15, 2010 – 9:02 am
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Well, I had to put this goal on hold. I was all set to start Uni, but then my Father had a bad fall, and has gotten a lot weaker since then, so I put my Uni on hold so I could stay at home to take better care of him. He was doing well, which was why I thought I could take the time to go to Uni, but now I can’t see that happening.

I’m going to look into doing it via correspondance.

See more progress on: go to university